Thrush and My Story

Breast feeding Bennett was a struggle from day one.  He was extremely hungry, my milk supply was low, and the list could go on.  So with Zoe I planned to feed on demand, take Fenugreek early (if needed), and drink tons of water to help my supply.  Day one she latched like a champ, but I suspected my supply was low.  I worked hard, but still had to supplement with formula during those first few weeks.  I was discouraged, but kept pushing through and thanking God for the milk He had given me.  Then came mastitis in the left breast followed by several blocked ducts in the right breast.  At that point, my supply was good, but she wasn't satisfied, because the blocked ducts prevented her from getting the milk.  It had been frustrating, but when I began experiencing burning deep in my right breast in early November I was beyond frustrated.  For a few days I thought it would get better, but it kept getting worse.  It was beginning to burn for 1-2 hours after she would feed and I was pretty miserable.  After a little research, I was pretty sure I had thrush, so I put a call into my doctor.  

The appointment confirmed that I had deep breast thrush (candida albicans, aka. yeast).  Here are the signs:

• Sudden start of breast and/or nipple pain after some days or weeks of pain-free breastfeeding- the nipple may also be itchy or be super-sensitive to any touch-even loose clothes
• Shooting pains in the breast (may be deep in the breast) after feeding- pain can be severe and can last for up to an hour after feed 
• Cracked nipples which don't heal
• Loss of color in the nipple or areola
• Pain occurs in both breast (except in the early stages) because the baby transfers the infection during feeding

I had 2 of 5 symptoms.  

The nurse practitioner prescribed:

• 14 days of oral flucanazole which is an anti-fungal (300 mg day 1, then 100 mg 2x/day for 13 days) 
• Nystatin cream for my nipples to be applied twice daily
• Nystatin oral gel for Zoe to be administered 3x/day, which was eventually changed to 4x/day.  Because thrush can be passed back and forth between mother and baby, the baby must be treated regardless of it he/she shows signs of thrush.

In addition to the medications, I was given a hot pink sheet with other things I needed to do to help get rid of thrush:

• Boil all items that come in contact with my breast milk and my baby's saliva for 20 minutes daily (nipples, breast pump parts, pacifiers, toys, etc.)
• Wash breast pads, bras, and any other clothing that comes in contact with my breast milk or my baby's saliva in warm, soapy water adding 1 cup of vinegar to the rinse cycle. 
• Use paper towels for hand washing and only use bath towels once before washing.
• Change toothbrushes frequently

I began treatment and after several days of little change my sister (who also had thrush) and I began researching and discussing additional treatment.  

Here is what my daily regimen looked like.  I washed  all of our clothes on a daily basis adding 1 cup of vinegar (or bleach) to the rinse cycle.  

I rinsed my nipples with vinegar water before and after every feeding.  After, each daily feeding I applied diluted Grapefruit Seed Extract to my nipples and I dipped a Q-tip in the solution and used it to clean out Zoe's mouth.  I also tried to change my breast pads after every feeding.

I stopped eating sugar and yeast heavy foods.  I ate plain Chobani yogurt for breakfast each morning, since probiotics help fight yeast in your body.  I took one to two doses of probiotics mixed in water daily.  I also administered probiotics to Zoe.  Originally, I mixed it with pumped breast milk, but after some research I switched to applying the powder to my clean finger and allowing her to suck it off.  In addition, I gave her the oral Nystatin 3-4 times per day.

I applied Nystatin Cream to my nipples 2-3 times per day.  Prior to going to bed, I applied Gentian Violet to my nipple (it is very messy and stains everything purple) and left my bra/shirt open to keep my breast dry throughout the night.   

At the end of every day, myself or my husband would boil all of the items from the day that had been exposed to my milk or Z's saliva.

After 14 days of oral anti-fungal the thrush was still raging, so I was prescribed another 7 days.  It has been over a month since I initially began experiencing the pain of thrush and I think I am free of it.  It has been so very painful and aggravating.  There have been many days when I wanted to stop breast feeding and many that I thought I would have to, but currently I am still breast feeding.  It's funny, because as I write I have another blocked duct..............who said breast feeding was easy!?!?!?

Here are the links I found most useful:

• Ductal Thrush and Breastfeeding
• Grapefruit Seed Extract- Gives specifics of dilution and other information
• General Information (very helpful) 
• Gentian Violet
• Diet and Diet-do more research if breastfeeding

Thrush is horrible, so I write this hoping it may help another struggling mom.  I was so thankful for my friend Christina and her support.  She had thrush for 6 months with her youngest daughter.  If you have any questions or just need to vent, feel free to contact me.
 

Give me STRENGTH and COURAGE!!!

It's been a while.  A while since I have felt the urge to write.  A while since I felt the urge to write and share what I write here for all who desire to read now or months from now.  A while since I haven't thought about what I share in this space and how it may affect what people think about me.  A while since I have wanted to spend my free time writing instead of resting or cleaning or browsing.  But today, while Sam and B are at the zoo and Z sleeps I took the time to sit down, read the Word, pray to my God, and journal.

Tomorrow we hit 4 weeks and for me this is when the newborn phase gets tough.  The adrenaline wears off and the exhaustion sets in.  The babe begins to wake up, but they spend more of their waking hours cranky than not.  I have already begun seeing the signs and it has already been tougher than the first 3 weeks.  Add to that a toddler (who has done exceptionally well I might add) that also needs to be cared for and you get a momma who simply struggles to enjoy the newborn phase.

When B hit 4 weeks everything went a little crazy.  However, he had reflux, he was colicky, and I didn't realize my milk production was low, so he was hungry.  This time around Z seems like she will be easier, but my physical body is really causing me much frustration and discouragement.  Without sharing too much information, I'll just say I can only walk a few minutes without experiencing a significant amount of pain.  I have to sit most of the day on a soft surface.  I am pounding ibuprofen and Tylenol along with using topical meds.  Plus, I try to sit on ice and use a sitz bath a few times per day.  And yes, believe it or not I have left out some information ;)

So this morning I sat down and read these Scriptures:

John 16: 23,24

...I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.  Until now you have not asked for anything in my name.  Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."

Malachi 4:2

But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings and you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall.

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.  

I said a prayer based on each of these Scriptures, but it was Joshua 1:9 that really struck me.  It is a very familiar verse to me, but one I so often forget.  God is present........with me..........every where.........at all times.........even in the trenches.

My prayer based on Joshua 1:9 was/is this:

Lord,  I admit I am terrified.  I admit I am discouraged.  Forgive me, Lord Jesus.  I want to obey Your command, so I ask for renewed confidence in Your moment by moment presence and work in my life.  I pray for the strength and courage to face each day with two young children and physical pain that makes the job more difficult.  Remind me that Your purpose prevails and that you equip those you call.  I have been called to be a mother to B and Z, a wife to Sam, and to maintain our home.  Therefore, You will equip me with all I need to do so.  Help me remember that it doesn't have to be done perfectly.  Give me the strength!!!  Give me the courage!!! And heal my body in Jesus name!!!  Amen

I hope it encourages someone who may be in the trenches with me.

Journey of Faith Friday: God Sees the Whole Puzzle

God Sees the Whole Puzzle

I sit and watch him work a 4 piece puzzle on his own.  It's the first time he has put 3 of the 4 pieces together independently.  

I sit back watching his intense focus.  Slowly frustration ensues as he struggles to fit the 4th piece.  He walks over, hands the piece to me and says, "Help!"

I want to, but I think of the moment earlier when I watched with much excitement as he achieved a task, that he has been working on for months, for the first time.  Then, I say, "I know you can do it.  You were so close.  Place this edge on the that piece," while pointing toward the puzzle.  

He did it.  Good jobs!!!!  And high fives followed!!!!

Is that what it's like?

God, our Father, our Parent watches intently as we fit the puzzle pieces together.

Life is hard!

Sometimes we try to force the wrong pieces together, because we can't see the whole picture.

Sometimes we figure it out and the Heavens rejoice.

Sometimes God waits for us to ask for "Help" before interceding.

Sometimes we know the pieces don't fit and we just keep ignoring the reality of our need for help and/or change.

There are many applications that can be drawn from watching a child complete a task, a puzzle in this case.  I don't mean to simplify God's parental task and how He deals with our lives or to make it sound like life is a game, but think about it.........We are His children and though we are adults in this world, we all are at different places in our journey with Christ, meaning some are mere infants (1 Cor. 3: 1-5), some adolescent, some mature adults (Hebrews 6:1-12), and so on.  Just as in our physical, mental and emotional development as a human we have developmental milestones in our spiritual life.  

I think of my teenage years and how I spent so much time trying to force the wrong pieces together. Sometimes it was due to my inability to see the whole picture, but many times I ignored the reality of my need for change, my need for a Savior.

I think about my sophomore year of college when I finally said, "Yes" to God's call on my life to follow Him and the Heavens rejoiced.  

I think about the many times I have tried to make the best professional decisions, serve in every capacity available, have difficult conversations, mother my son in my own strength and how those situations compare to the times I asked God for help.  

He sees it all.

The time I said yes to Him and the pieces fit.

The time when all of the pieces were out of place and I used manipulation and control to get my way.

The time I prayed and asked for a godly husband, then waited for him and the pieces fit.

The time I said yes to my own sinful desires and gave myself to another out of wedlock and the pieces did not fit.

The time I spent studying, working, and applying myself so that I could use the resources He blessed me with and the pieces fit.

The time I pressured friends younger than me to join the world of partying and "having a good time" and the pieces did not fit.  

The times I've said I am sorry and the pieces fit.  

He sees it all and like an earthly parent (although we don't see it all), He rejoices, He disciplines, He gives high fives, He weeps, He encourages, He guides, He instructs, and He loves. 

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Read previous Journey of Faith Friday posts.

Most Friday's, I post about the work God is doing or has done in my life, as I journey on this road of faith.
How is God working in your life as you journey with Him?

I have decided to discontinue hosting the linky at this time, but may resume in the future.  However, I would still love to read your post, so be sure to leave a link in the comment section.

Joyful Moments of Motherhood + a photo treat

It only seems appropriate after briefly sharing my struggles as a stay at home mom that I share a few of the joyful and/or rewarding moments I have experienced with Bennett the last few weeks.

• He usually wakes up crying, but a few mornings ago he awoke with few tears.  Before going in to his room, I heard him singing, "Good morning God. Good morning God."  Of course, the phrase is not that clear, but I knew what he was singing by the tune and the word, "God."  When I opened the door, he was smiling with hands clasped (prayer hands), joyfully singing, so I joined in.  "Good morning God.  This is your day.  I am Your child, show me Your way."  It is a song we learned at B.S.F. 
• B does such a great job cleaning up his toys.  We have had our struggles, but most of the time when I ask him to clean up he will start singing, "Clean up, clean up," while proceeding to put his toys away.
• It is so joyful to hear him ask for help.  Most of the time he will say, "Help, mom," when he is struggling to complete a task.  I forget how much I appreciate these simple words until he has a few days of whining or if I have been around other children who whine when they need help.
• Last weekend, we spent Saturday night with my in-laws.  They were dog sitting their neighbor's wiener dog.  My husband took her on a walk and B wanted to help.  Thankfully, the dog was small, but he did such a wonderful job.  He held onto the leash (most of the time), stayed on the sidewalk, and ran with her all the way down the block.  He was so excited and kept repeating the dog's name over and over again.  Needless to say, he walked her several times before we returned home.
• His love of water brings so much JOY to me!!!!  That's all.
• He also asks us to sing, "Holy, Holy, Holy," which is another song he learned at B.S.F.  Praise God for B.S.F. and their ministry.  It cracks me up, because he will sing as LOUDLY as he can, "Hode, Hode, Hode," and then wait for me to sing the rest.
• Since our visit with my best friend Hannah and her family (who live in Africa) we have been using the the Swahili (Tanzanian language) word busu for kiss.  Several times a day we'll ask, "Can I have a busu?"   He comes to us with mouth open and tongue out ready to offer kisses. 

There definitely many joyful moments with my boy, like the silhouette photo above.  I must admit of all the photos I have taken this is my new favorite.  I just LOVE the simplicity and the emotion that a silhouette presents.  Don't you love his sweet little hand resting on his daddy's leg?  It melts my heart.

I have some more silhouettes that I will be sharing in the week's to come, so stay tuned.  I may even write my own tutorial.

Stay At Home Mom...A Love/(Dare I Say) Hate Relationship

Every day I wish I could honestly say, "I would rather be at home mothering my child than any other place in the world," but that's not always true.  Some days it's true, but there are many days I struggle being content with being home.  There are days when I think someone else could do a better job, so I'll just go back to working outside the home.  There are days when I think this is crazy........why do people do it again?  There are days when I spend the whole day fighting tears.  There are days when I have a few moments to myself and clarity seeps in.  

Then, there are days when I look at my boy accomplishing something for the first time and I think there is no better place to be than right here.  Days when he pats me on the shoulder saying, "Mama," that I know no one else could do a better job than ME!  Days when I look forward to the day my little turkey will play along side his brother or sister.  Days when I pray not for strength to make it through the day, but for a little boy who grows into a man who loves the Lord Jesus, who respects authority, who is generous, and compassionate to all people.  Days when my heart could burst open overflowing with the love and joy I feel.

It seems those days of overflowing with joy, those days of contentment have been few in recent months, so I write this as a reminder that those exist and they are reason enough for me to be staying home during this season of my life.  I write this as a reminder that when working full time as a Physical Therapist, I had days when I was overwhelmed and frustrated.  I write this as a reminder that God is always present and always working in me regardless of my feelings and circumstances.

Today, I just needed to remind myself, because today has been ROUGH!!!

*Written a few days ago

Announcing # 2

Yes, you read that correctly we are expecting baby #2.  He/she is expected to arrive August 28th.  I am currently 13 weeks into the pregnancy and WOW has this one been TOTALLY different from the first one.......minus the fatigue.

I have been more nauseous.  I have had more food aversions.  I have had multiple migraines.  I have experienced long bouts of dizziness.  I have been insanely thirsty.  And the one thing very similar to my first pregnancy, I want to sleep all of the time.  

Another huge difference is the fear I have been fighting since a week after "the stick" showed "+."  I have been fearful, because I have had two bouts of implantation bleeding (which I won't explain here), but it does increase my chance of a miscarriage.  Following the first episode, I had an ultrasound and no heartbeat was detected, but the doctor wanted me to wait a few days and repeat the ultrasound.  It was a long four days, as I feared I would miscarry.  However, when the ultrasound was repeated, the bleeding had stopped and the baby had a strong heartbeat.  It was determined that I was not as far along as I had originally thought, which explained the undetected heartbeat (it was too early).  

To make a long story short, I am still pregnant.  The baby has a strong heartbeat and looked good during the ultrasound last week.   They are still mildly concerned about the implantation bleed that is visible on ultrasound, but I have not had any more bleeding.  They are also keeping a close eye on a cyst I have on one of my ovaries.  The ultrasound will be repeated in 2 weeks, so I will keep you posted.

Here is where we would like to ask for your prayers.  Please pray for God's peace during this time and for His protection over baby #2.  I also ask that you would pray for us to fully trust God and His will no matter what the outcome.  

Here are a few things I want to remember (or maybe forget) about the first 12 weeks:

• The thought of cooked vegetables make me nauseous.
• One evening Sam came home and I looked at him and said, "The hamburger meat and broccoli are on the counter.  I can't bring myself to cook them, so if you want dinner you'll have to cook it."
• I gained 6 pounds.
• I join Bennett during nap time almost daily.
• I have been more tired than I have ever been in my life.  Okay, maybe not as tired as I was when Bennett was about 3 months old.
• Seafood is repulsive (usually one of my favorite foods).
• In the beginning I craved cold food:  sub sandwiches (which I only ate one, due to the deli meat, so don't leave me comments regarding this one), salads, cottage cheese and tomatoes, fruit, etc.
• My sense of smell is even stronger than usual and that is saying something, because my husband calls me "Drug Dog," when I'm not pregnant :)
• The migraines I have experienced have almost driven me mad.
• I have been leaving dirty dishes till the next day........yes, this is abnormal for me.
• I have lost my passion for blogging and photography, but I think this will pass once I begin feeling a little better.

And an out take for the family.  Thanks to the hubster for taking these photos!

Journey of Faith Friday: The Invisible Woman

Earlier this year, I shared a piece of my heart in Bible Study regarding my struggles with being a stay at home mom.  It has been something I have felt very guilty about, at times, but have been so thankful for friends, acquaintances, and strangers who have confirmed I am not alone.  After sharing my heart, another lady in my Bible Study group (with slightly older children) printed this story and handed it to me in an envelope hoping to encourage me.  It WAS and HAS been so ENCOURAGING that I couldn't resist sharing it here on the blog.  I only wish I could find the author.  For all of the MOTHERS out there needing ENCOURAGEMENT.

The Invisible Woman 

Author: Unknown

It started to happen gradually:

One day I was walking my son Jake to school.  I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, 

"Who is that with you, young fella?"

"Nobody," he shrugged.

Nobody?  The crossing guard and I laughed.  My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, "Oh my goodness, nobody?"

I would walk into a room and no one would notice.  I would say something to my family-like "Turn the TV down, please" -and nothing would happen.  

Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote.  I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, "Would someone turn the TV down?"  Nothing.  

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party.  We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave.  I noticed he was talking to a friend from work.  So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are."  He just kept right on talking.

I'm invisible.  

It all began to make sense, the blank stare, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.  Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"  Obviously not.  No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

Photo taken with my point and shoot while in India several years ago

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more:  Can you fix this?  Can you tie this?  Can you open this? 

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being.  I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?"  I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?"  I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude- but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England.  Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.  I was sitting there, looking around at the other all put together so well.  It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean.  My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.  

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.  I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:  "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read- no, devour- the book.  And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals- we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam.  He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof?  No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.  It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte.  I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.  No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over.  You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction.  But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.  It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness.  It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as great builder.  As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.  The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table."

That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself.  I just want him to want to come home.  And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."  

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals.  We can not be seen if we're doing it right.  And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.  

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Read previous Journey of Faith Friday posts.

Every Friday, I post about the work God is doing or has done in my life, as I journey on this road of faith.  However, since Thanksgiving is next week, I will be taking a break, but back on Friday, December 2nd.

How is God working in your life as you journey with Him?

Would you consider sharing it with us today?

If you decide to share...enter the URL to your exact post below.  If you join, please help us find one another by sharing the "Journey of Faith" graphic within your post.

You can link up through Wednesday.

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42 Weeks of Pregnancy Prayer Cards Review and GIVE AWAY

This Giveaway is now CLOSED.

I was first introduced to Rebecca of Better Life Bags when my friend Brittany gifted me a set of her 31 Days of Prayer for Your Husband cards last Christmas.  I love them and use them to pray for my husband on a regularly basis.  So when Rebecca contacted me to review her 42 Weeks of Pregnancy Prayer Cards I was thrilled.

These cards are simply wonderful!!!!!  There are 38 cards that cover the 42 weeks of pregnancy (weeks 1-4 and 41-42 are together).  Each week a different developing part is highlighted.  For example, week 13 focuses on the baby's improved breathing in utero.  There is a cue that encourages you to pray that he/she will allow God to breathe the breath of life into him/her. 

I can remember being pregnant with my son.  One moment I was filled with so much joy, and the next moment I was worrying about his health, his growth, and his future.  Pregnancy is a wonderful time, but it is also a time that can be filled with fear and worry.  These prayer cards can help you focus on the growth of your little one all while entrusting him/her to the LORD.  

I have found that specifically praying God's Word over people leads to inner peace and that is the focus of these prayer cards.  Not only does each week focus on a developing part of your baby, but Rebecca uses Scripture to provide a prayer cue that coincides with that developing part.

The 42 Weeks of Pregnancy Prayer Cards would make an excellent gift for all of your pregnant friends or for your future pregnancies.  I just printed two sets of the cards and sent them to two friends who are pregnant with their third child.  I hope to use them for myself in the future.

These prayer cards are bright and colorful.  They are well organized and accurately follow your babies development in utero.  They not only provide a sweet prayer for your child, but it is fun to think about how your baby is developing from week to week. 

How 42 Weeks of Pregnancy Prayer Cards work:

• $8 includes the digital download (zip file) of 38 Prayer Cards in 12 different designs
• The file is emailed to you within 24 hours of purchase
• Download the file to your computer and unzip the file
• The prayer cards are high resolution and can be printed like regular photos.  I had my two sets printed at CVS and they looked GREAT!!!
• If printed as a 4X6 photo they will easily fit in a small photo album and make for a wonderful gift.
• Feel free to gift the printed cards as many times as you choose, but out of respect for Rebecca please do not share the download links with anyone.  

In addition to the 42 Weeks of Pregnancy Prayer Cards, Rebecca sells a variety of custom handmade bags in her Etsy shop that I would highly recommend.  I must take a moment and brag on Rebecca and her husband for following their heart and Jesus' call to serve the poor.  They are working to  enrich the lives of people through living a life of service to Christ.  You can read more of their story and how they are supporting the poor through their NOT FOR PROFIT business at Better Life Bags. 

Rebecca is kindly offering 5 Packs of 42 Weeks of Pregnancy Prayer Cards to my readers.  Yes, you read that correctly.........there will be 5 different winners, which will lead to hundreds of WONDERFUL gifts for all all of your pregnant friends and family members.

To enter just leave a comment below!

For extra entries (leave a comment per extra entry):

1. Visit Better Life Bags and tell me which custom bag you would like to give as a gift.
2. "Like" Click.Pray.Love on Facebook
3. Tweet about this giveaway

This giveaway is open to all people 18 years or older.  The giveaway will end Monday, December 5th at 11 a.m. eastern time.  A winner will be selected using Random.org and announced Monday evening.  Please provide an email, so you can be contacted if you are a winner.  If prize is unclaimed after 48 hours, a new winner will be chosen using Random.org.  

  

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.  VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW.  

I was provided with a digital download in exchange for my honest and unbiased review. 

The opinions expressed here are entirely my own as I would not endorse a product I do not support and use myself.

31st Year Round Up

It is time to begin another year.  Several years ago, I began journaling various happenings from the previous year on or around my birthday.  I have journaled everything from personal experiences to national disasters.  Today, I am journaling a little differently than in previous years, but there is still a little of everything.

Family photo taken by me.  Edited by Ashley Sisk

1. Completed my first full year of motherhood
2. Watched the Space Shuttle Discovery launch from Kennedy Space Center = AWESOME!!
3. Joined Clickin' Moms and took my first Photography Class with them:  Natural Light 101
4. Experienced the loss of my paternal and maternal grandmother's, which has been very difficult
5. Watched my little Beester learn to crawl, climb, and walk among many other things
6. Celebrated 3 years of marriage
7. Completed my 5th year of Bible Study Fellowship (having studied Romans, Matthew, The Life of Moses, John, and Isaiah). Gearing up for Acts
8. Hosted my first book club.  We read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp
9. Took B to Clearwater Beach, Sand Key Beach, Indian Rocks Beach, and Hilton Head Island.  He LOVES the beach.
10. Continued to struggle to set and keep a budget
11. Continued to be consistent with giving thanks and writing Journey of Faith Friday posts
12. Celebrated Navy Seal Team 6's defeat of Osama Bin Laden, then saddened by the loss of 22 of their men.
13. Began and have followed through with meal planning our dinners
14. Attended my first couponing workshop and began seriously working to cut my grocery bill
15.  Experienced my first "real" friendship struggle since living in Florida.  Although difficult, it was great to see the difference in conflict resolution and forgiveness that I have now versus a few years ago.
16. Ran the Disney half marathon (my second) with my sister in law, Michelle.  Now contemplating participating in a Tough Mudder competition with my husband and a few friends.
17. Joined YMCA........and have not used it near enough.
18. Struggled with new fears as a result of being a mother
19. Switched to photographing in manual mode (most of the time).  Sometimes I use another priority mode, because I still struggle with settings, especially since my zoom lens does not have a fixed aperture.
20. Had an idea.  Followed through with it on a whim.  Had a great experience.  As a result, birthed the Quarterly Top 5 Photos meme co-hosted with Courtney of Click It Up A Notch and Sarah of Naptime Momtog
21. Began meeting with a small group of ladies once a month for prayer time, decided to take a break from small group, and have begun volunteering once a month in our church nursery
22. Have said goodbye to friends and welcomed new ones 
23. Hosted our first Kentucky Derby party which led to our first time making Mint Julep's, mini Hot Browns, and Derby Pie.  It was a success!!
24. Realized that allowing my child to explore, not only increases his coordination (core control, fine motor skills, gross motor skills, and thought process), but increases his ability to make a HUGE mess.  ARGH!!  I keep telling myself it will pay off (and I can tell it already is)
25. Fallen in love with Still-Life Photos with Scripture
26. Learned that children bring a whole new need for and challenge to marriage communication
27. Had to loosen up and choose to die to my obsession with clean floors and clutter-less areas.  One I am still working on
28. Tried to avoid becoming too involved (but remain educated) on our struggling economy, budget deficits, and all of the other crazy political happenings occurring in our country and countries around the world
29. Felt more like Tampa is home
30. Continuously worked on balance in my life, realizing it is okay and healthy to say, "NO."  It is unrealistic to do EVERYTHING and do it WELL.  Busyness in our culture is often equated to success, but I have learned this to be a HUGE LIE!  I want to use my gifts and use them wisely.  I am continuing to work to use them at home FIRST.....then distribute to those around me.
31. Attended one Kentucky football game and two Kentucky basketball games.  It was our first time attending the NCAA tournament.  We were fortunate that Kentucky played their first two rounds in Tampa!

AND ONE TO GROW ON: 

Realized that I enjoy blogging so much that it is time to choose and purchase a more appropriate long term blog name.  Be on the lookout for Amber's Articles to become Click.Pray.Love. (with a tag line that I will save for later)

I am linking up with Black and White Wednesday, You Capture,  and Project Alicia

Journey of Faith Friday: Motherhood Brings Unexpected Change

Motherhood Brings Unexpected Change

The hospital doors quickly opened and the last thing on my mind was how how my relationship with Jesus would change as a result of becoming a mother.  Instead, I thought about meeting my baby boy, about becoming a mother, about Sam becoming a father, about the searing pain pulsing through my abdomen.  

Now, looking back over the last year, my mind rarely wonders elsewhere.  When I think about becoming a mother, how it has changed me, I am overjoyed at how it has brought me to a deeper, more intimate walk with my Lord (challenges and all).  I have overflowed with love.  I have exploded in frustration.  I have poured out kisses.  I have walked away in anger.  I have experienced an abundance of joy.  I have felt trapped by loneliness.  I have been stretched and challenged in ways I never imagined.  I have been blessed, loved, and needed in ways I never imagined.  I have longed to know, show, and live for Jesus in ways I never thought possible.  All since a baby boy was placed in my arms 369 days ago. 

Many years ago, I asked God to reveal in me the areas of my life I needed to change and to help me change them.  Little did I know (at that time) that request would be a life long journey that is, at times, so painful I can feel my heart break in my own chest.  Many times I have ignored His revelation, particularly when dealing with my "quick to judge, lack of grace" attitude.  If I am being honest, it is often easy to ignore, as people come in and out of your life, your home, giving you room to breathe, room to forget.  

Then, God gave me a child!

A child that can't be ignored.  A child I wouldn't want to ignore.  A child that doesn't come in and out of my life.........hopefully.  A child that doesn't leave my home.........yet.  A child I struggle to imagine ever leaving my home, let alone my care.  A child I never want to forget, neglect, or pass on the "quick to judge, lack of grace" attitude (among other things) that seems to plague me.  All of a sudden, with this baby boy, not only do I LOVE more, but I love and long for Jesus MORE.

There are so many things about motherhood, parenthood, that has opened my eyes allowing me to view God, to view Jesus in a way I was unable to do before. Some times, I open his door and watch him sleep.  My heart beats a little slower and I am overcome with joy and peace, especially after a stressful day.  I often wonder if God looks down on us, is the wee morning hours, and thinks, all they have done to frustrate me today........is forgotten.  I wonder if He sees His sweet child slumbering, as I see my child, and His heart slows a little and the slate is wiped clean (Isaiah. 1:18, Psalm 51:7).

Some times when he throws a temper tantrum, because I won't let him play in the garbage or touch the stove, I think about how many times God could have used those words as an analogy for my own life.  I wonder if He thinks, "How many times have I told you, that is trash?  It is not worth your time?  It is unclean and will only lead to a huge mess?  You are in a danger zone!  It is not safe to play there.  You could get burned.  I am going to smack your hand now and you are going to cry, but it is for your own good.  I am going to take you away from the situation, but I know you will return.  Don't worry, I'll teach you the same lesson tomorrow and the next day and the next day until you learn."  

Each time he conquers another milestone I think about the daily processes it took to get there.  When he was learning to crawl, he would extend his elbows and try so hard to pull his knees underneath him, but the arms would give away before he succeeded.  After a few days, he could rock back and forth on hands and knees.  Then, came a few steps, but PLOP and he was back to square one.  Now, he can motor along without a thought.  That progress has opened a new world for him.  Each moment he progresses I feel so much pride.  I really can't explain it......my heart feels like it will burst.  Does God feel that way?  Does he watch us from a far, cheering on our every advancement, our every success?  Does He encourage us to overcome the "milestones" of life knowing our world will be opened to new challenges, new opportunities, new set backs, new joys, new pains?  I would venture to say, "YES!" (Jeremiah 29:10-14, Psalm 20:4-9)  Not for own pride, but for His glory, for His renown.  

Is the desire of your heart to make Him known, to glorify Him (Isaiah 26:8)?

During the times when he spews food from his mouth and green sprays all over his shirt, my shirt, and the high chair.....I lose my cool.  My blood pressure shoots through the roof and I sternly say, "WE DO NOT SPIT OUR FOOD.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"  Oh, how many times have I experienced the stern voice of the LORD, the discipline of the LORD.  Becoming a mother has allowed me to better understand the need and the value of discipline.  

As is written, "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. ⁵ And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

   'My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, 

   and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 

⁶ because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, 

   and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.'^[a]

 ⁷ Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? ⁸ If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. ⁹ Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! ¹⁰ They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. ¹¹ No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:4-11).

Some times when he lays in his bed fighting sleep (as is the case at this very moment) I say to God, "I am sorry for all of the times I have fought you.  I am sorry for shaking my fist at you proclaiming, 'I KNOW BEST.'  I am sorry for wasting the many opportunities to rest in your arms, because the fight, the pride was more important.  I am sure I will do it again, but please keep coming back, picking me up, rocking me, and gently leading me to rest."

When I am exhausted and the crying/whining seems to drag on for hours.  When my fuse is short.  When I fall short.  When I wonder why motherhood is so hard?  I take a deep breath and imagine God saying, "Press on.  I know you....COMPLETELY.  I have ordained your every day, while you were being woven in your mother's womb. I have ordained all of your son's days.  You were made for this. (Psalm 139).  Keep pressing on, my child, and bring me the glory I know you desire to bring (Phil 3:14)"

   **I just want to say I am not trying to minimize God by comparing Him to myself.  I have found in my search of Scriptures, in my prayer time, and in my conversations with others that God has significantly increased my understanding of Him through the journey of parenthood.  With that said, I realize and believe that God is much different than all earthly parents. He is PERFECT in every way.  I believe He is the all-knowing, all-powerful, sinless, Creator that the Bible describes.  I know WE (humans/parents) fall WAY short of that and am thankful to have a perfect example to follow.

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You can read previous Journey of Faith posts HERE.

Every Friday, I post about the work God is doing or has done in my life, as I journey on this road of faith.

How is God working in your life as you journey with Him?

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