Over the last several days I have been very convicted about how much and how often I grumble. However, speaking from past experience I wonder if the conviction will come and go with little change on my part.
A few days ago, Sam and I were walking with the kids in the stroller. B was being disobedient and Zoe was crying. All I could think was, "Why?" Why do I have another child that doesn't like the stroller? Why do I have another child who doesn't like the car seat? Why...? Why...? Why...? I looked at Sam who listens to me grumble on a daily basis and said, "When I get to Heaven I want to ask God a few questions like, What were you trying to teach me when Zoe was a baby that I obviously didn't learn with Bennett? Why do I have high strung babies while some are so easy? Why do some people lose their children? Why can't some people have children?" I went on speaking, "I know it is for our own sanctification, but will I learn the lesson when the baby phase is over or will He have to keep refining this area?"
Sam politely responded with a few words regarding selfishness and once again I was reminded of the TRUTH. I am selfish. No matter how challenging this season of life may be, I NEED IT!!! God uses various situations in all of our lives to refine us, to sanctify us, to draw us closer to Him and for me one of those situations is the newborn phase of my children. I hate admitting I NEED IT, but if it strips away more of my selfish tendencies and reveals more of a Christ-like attitude then I NEED IT.
Later I read a devotion by Tracie Miles titled, "Our Thoughts Have Wheels," and it spoke directly to my heart and the thoughts I'd been having. Here is an excerpt:
"...I've considered how our thoughts determine a lot about the direction of our lives. Like my school bus, our thoughts will always take us somewhere, but it may not be somewhere we want to end up....