Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Flowing Randomness

Yesterday, while driving down the old brick streets, approaching home, I began to weep.  An overwhelming feeling swept over me and I immediately said, "LORD, I feel I have squandered the gifts you have given me."  I don't know where "it" came from, but some where deep within those words poured forth like water bursting through a dam.  They poured forth so quickly and so forceful that even I was surprised.  I cried out, "LORD, my prayer life is lousy and I am sorry."  Words kept flowing, now with less force and little cohesiveness.  Yet some how as I continued to converse with the One who knows all, I knew He was connecting all of my thoughts, all of my prayers.  He was connecting them and helping me realize, I just need to come to Him.

As the day progressed I continued to have random feelings, random words pop into my often times crowded brain.  I found myself driving down the interstate thinking about life--my life, the life of various family members, friends, etc.  Then, these powerful words filled my car:

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

"I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard
Is a good place to begin 

'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found

-Dancing in the Minefields byAndrew Peterson

I wept...again.  I can't find the words to explain the why behind my weeping; nevertheless, I wept.  Maybe, it is the TRUTH found in Andrew's words.  Maybe, it is the blessing I wake up to and go to sleep with each night.  Maybe, it is the knowing life is hard, but good.  Maybe, it is the comfort of knowing I am not alone in the struggles of life.  Maybe, probably, it is all of these and more.  I'm not sure, but today one thing I am sure of, God is working on me.


Jhen.Stark said...

Part of me is speechless and unsure how to collect my thoughts after reading your posts, but I know I at least need to encourage you and THANK YOU! Your moment, that honest moment between you and God, is BEAUTIFUL and the fact that you shared it here, is reminding me to have that moment.

Goodness, to just sit and listen to the words during this time in my life I'm holding so precious! SO THANK YOU FOR THIS POST! THANK YOU!

Heidi said...

Thank you for this vulnerable and honest post that we can all relate to! Being moved to tears by God is so beautiful and exciting because He is at work in you... who knows where He will take you, but you know it's going to be good!

Carolina said...

I heard that song in 90.5 this morning and it has been on my mind all day! how funny that you wrote about it today

Thank you for being so honest and sharing your faith so openly. you posts are always very encouraging.

Craig said...


My first thought was “technically I think randomness meanders or rambles – not flows” :)

And my last thoughts – you are most certainly not alone, and you ARE using your gifts, I read them all the time, and see them – and even ate one – good stuff - and it’s clear that God is working on you.

God Bless You and Yours

Jen Skoog said...

Love you, friend!! Have a great Thanksgiving :)

Kindra said...

I think this is my favorite post you've done so far. Clearly the Holy Spirit was speaking to you today. That feeling I know well - that flood of raw emotion that has come over me when I least expect it and I'm left crying out to Jesus, realizing that I haven't given Him the place in my heart that He's given me in His. I'm so encouraged by your writing - and I've never heard that song - I love it.

Kindra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kindra said...

And randomness can 'flow' -I get it :)

Debb said...

Your honesty and your heart for God are both beautiful! :o) Keep listening.......and writing........