Yesterday, while driving down the old brick streets, approaching home, I began to weep. An overwhelming feeling swept over me and I immediately said, "LORD, I feel I have squandered the gifts you have given me." I don't know where "it" came from, but some where deep within those words poured forth like water bursting through a dam. They poured forth so quickly and so forceful that even I was surprised. I cried out, "LORD, my prayer life is lousy and I am sorry." Words kept flowing, now with less force and little cohesiveness. Yet some how as I continued to converse with the One who knows all, I knew He was connecting all of my thoughts, all of my prayers. He was connecting them and helping me realize, I just need to come to Him.
As the day progressed I continued to have random feelings, random words pop into my often times crowded brain. I found myself driving down the interstate thinking about life--my life, the life of various family members, friends, etc. Then, these powerful words filled my car:
We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
"I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard
Is a good place to begin
'Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price
For the life that we have found
-Dancing in the Minefields byAndrew Peterson
I wept...again. I can't find the words to explain the why behind my weeping; nevertheless, I wept. Maybe, it is the TRUTH found in Andrew's words. Maybe, it is the blessing I wake up to and go to sleep with each night. Maybe, it is the knowing life is hard, but good. Maybe, it is the comfort of knowing I am not alone in the struggles of life. Maybe, probably, it is all of these and more. I'm not sure, but today one thing I am sure of, God is working on me.