After posting a portion of my story in "Two years later and I love him more" I received a few encouraging messages from single Christian women who are waiting for their husbands. After reading those emails I thought I would share with the single blog world (the few that follow me) something very personal that I decided to do early in my Christian walk.
It was the winter of 2000 when my friend Hannah and I were discussing our future spouses (for the billionth time) and our desire to wait for a godly man. She brought up the idea of writing a journal to our future spouses, so that we could give it to them on our wedding day. It was a thought that created minimal discussion, but when I left that evening the thought found a place in my thoughts and I couldn't get it out of my mind. A few weeks passed and I decided to begin a journal even if my future spouse never saw or read it. I decided to begin the journal, if for no other reason, to help me stay focused on what and who I was waiting for. I wanted to wait for God to provide me a husband that loved Him and this journal would keep me focused on that fact when I wanted to settle.
I started the journal on January 29, 2001 and wrote 37 letters until I gave them all to Sam on February 14, 2008 (our one year dating anniversary and approximately 2 1/2 months before our wedding day). Some years I went months without writing. Other years I wrote frequently. Regardless of how often I wrote, the journal served its purpose. During times of frustration, times of loneliness, times of failed relationships I could look back on these letters and be reminded of God's faithfulness and reasons why the wait was worth it.
Here is my first entry:
January 29, 2001
"Dear husband to be,
Over the last couple of years since I began to walk with Jesus, I have periodically prayed for you. Over the last couple of months I have wondered where you are, what you are doing, if I know you or if I don't, and of course when you will be mine forever? Over the last couple of weeks I have decided to write letters to you, so that before we walk down the aisle, to join our lives as one with Christ, you could read them and know that I have been waiting to find you.
God has given me so many blessings, already, which makes it hard to be patient in waiting for the one thing I desire most, a relationship with my future husband. I am currently in my first semester of Physical Therapy school and I can't help but wonder what God has you doing right now. With so many dreams, aspirations, and goals I can picture nothing less than perfection. I know that seems impossible, but you will be perfect for me and to me! Even when I hurt I want to love you. Even when in your faults I want to cherish you. In the morning I want to thank Jesus for a godly man who loves me for me.
I pray to honor you in all of my actions and to grow with you in our personal relationships with Jesus Christ. He is my priority and I know He will fit you in at the perfect time. As I wait for you I know I will sin, I know I will make some bad decisions, but most of all I know I will strive to do my best at serving Jesus with my whole heart, body, and soul. Wherever you are I love you and I am praying for you and for our future.
Love in Christ,
--sorry about the grammar--it was 9 years ago
The last entry:
February 14, 2008
If it were possible for me to give you my whole heart up until February 14, 2007 I would. However, the closest I can come is to give you letters that I have written to you over the last 2,541 days of my life. In January 2001 I began writing thoughts, prayers, and letters to my future husband. They are raw, honest, pure, and completely vulnerable. They gave me hope in times of extreme loneliness. They helped me focus when I wanted to settle. They burdened my heart to pray for you. They kept me believing that God is sovereign and faithful. They kept me waiting! I never knew if I would really give them to you, but as our relationship continued to grow and deepen I knew they would one day find your hands.
This Valentine's Day I am blessed to say God has answered my prayers. You are the love of my life. I look forward to growing old with you, because I know I will love, live, hope, guide, and serve better as a result of "it."
Love your Valentine forever,
I want to encourage any of you who are waiting and praying for your spouse to begin a journal. It has been a blessing to have these letters to reflect on even in marriage.