**Thank you for visiting my blog. I am sorry for not returning the visit as I have been traveling and am now spending time with my grandmothers.
MY GRANNY.....THE WOMAN WHO.......
I can barely catch my breath. Memories keep flashing before me, beautiful ones, but ones that force the aching of my heart to overflow down my face. While I run free against the wind struggling to catch my breath, she lies in a hospital bed yelling out in pain and everyone questions if she is struggling to catch her breath. The wind blows harder and I like it. I like it, because it helps with my frustration, my sadness. The harder it blows, the harder I push, one foot in front of the other and the tears sting and I can barely keep going.
I take a deep breath and visualize the short white haired woman who used to douse the kitchen counter with flour giving me one area to roll dough while she did the "real thing."
The woman who taught me to hoe a garden, plant seeds, and harvest them all while wearing a large brimmed hat.
The woman whose back I used to nuzzle while she told me a story before bedtime.
The woman who would let me sit on the kitchen counter to watch her cook. She would say, "What do you want for lunch (already knowing the answer)?"
"Grilled cheese, because no one makes one like you, Granny."
The woman who taught me to sew with unending patience. I see her arthritic fingers threading the needle ever so intently, while sharing the in's and out's of hand stitching.
The woman who took joy in cooking for her family.....every Sunday.
The woman who allowed little hands and feet to scurry around tying blankets to bed posts and chairs transforming her home into a playground of our own.
The woman who laughed when my toe nail was found in a piece of her homemade sea foam candy after she told me to stop cutting my nails around it.
The woman who taught me to string beans and make pull candy.
The woman whose smile and LAUGH can light up a room.
The woman I called to ask how to make vegetable soup, gravy, icing, and so on.
The woman who stayed in a marriage when the going was tough....for years.
The woman who bathed, shaved, dressed, transferred, turned, and fed the ailing man, she called husband, during his final years.
The woman who held pencil tight between knobby fingers all the while saying, "I think crossword puzzles keep me thinking."
The woman who taught me much about Jesus. Not through her prayer life or Bible reading or church attendance or spiritual discipline, but through her service. She is a woman with a servant's heart. She has cared for her family in a way few people do in this day and age. She has volunteered her time, talents, and resources to others. She is a patient and encouraging teacher. She is so much more than my Granny.
I look up and ask God, "What is the gift in this? How can I be thankful, when she no longer recognizes those she once cradled in her arms and nursed from her breast? How is suffering a gift?" Like Ann Voskamp writes, "I know it but I don't want to: it is a choice. Living with losses, I may choose to still say yes. Choose to say yes to what He freely gives. Could I live that--the choice to open the hands to freely receive whatever God gives? If I don't, I am still making a choice. The choice not to" (in regards to gratitude--One Thousand Gifts, p. 18).
I am not sure what the gift is and honestly I can't fully say I believe there is a gift, but if for no other reason this is a time to reflect on the love, care, support, and encouragement she has provided to all of us.
You can read previous Journey of Faith posts HERE.
I apologize for not posting the linky tool or the Journey of Faith HTML, but I am out of town spending time with my grandmother's.
If you post of God's work in your life, please leave me a comment with the link to your direct post.
Blessings to all of you!