Do you ever feel like someone snuck into your brain while you were sleeping, threw a party, then left you to clean up? Or a continuous tornado is twirling around in your head and the harder you try to tame it the uglier and more destructive it gets? Or there are two little men inside of you sparring with one another? Yep, kind of like the movies where an angel is on one shoulder and the devil is on the other shoulder, except in my case it is my flesh and God Almighty. If the answer is yes, then rest assured you are not alone. I really thought I was over the hump, with this whole move thing, until I got bombarded with new thoughts/feelings of frustration surrounding the extreme increases in our expenses here in Florida. Oh and it all happened just in time for the new Bible Study I began at church that is all about transforming my thoughts. Hmmmmmmm.....coincidence or providence??
After all of the blessings I still struggle with the difficulties of being here and trusting that God will provide, God has a better plan, and God knows. I know the truth, but knowing it and living it are two very different things. For example, I know that God has a plan for me that He will carry on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus, but I live like I need to come up with my own plan or I might be left behind. I know God has set eternity before me, but I live like the world is all I have. I know God has set my heart free, but I live like I am in chains. Okay, so some of you are probably thinking WOW she is messed up. To take the sorrow and stress away know that there are many hours, days, and months that I live in the grace and love of Jesus Christ knowing that He is enough for me. However, I spend my fair share of time in the valley begging God to strengthen me according to His word and to be gracious to me as I choose the way of truth. (WOW, it's amazing how much relief I feel from writing the words and feelings of my heart for all to read.)
As I sit here, somewhere between the valley and the mountain top I am reminded of some things I have learned this week from Scripture and from the Study I am doing with a group of women at South Tampa Fellowship. The study is "Me, Myself, and Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild.
p. 10 "Don't assume only the words you speak aloud either bring life or invite death. The silent words you speak to your own soul are just as important."
p. 13 "Who I am and what I struggle with are not the same thing."
p. 18 "AS you talk to yourself today, tell yourself to commit your way to God-one word, one thought at a time-and tell your soul to rely on God's Word more than your words."
p. 22 "What you tuck into your thought closet will become the wardrobe of your life."
p. 23 "When we worry, we choke out the life-giving truth that should be filling our thought closets."
p. 24 "Ruminating on the "what ifs" is an unhealthy way of meditating that invites fear."
p. 26 "To focus on "what if" and never meditate on "what is" imprisons you. To dwell on untruths is to hold His truth in low regard."
Phil 4:8--Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
Proverbs 18:21--The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
1 Cor. 10:13--And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Exodus 3:12--And God said, "I will be with you...."
Gal. 6:9--Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Like I always say, "I am glad life is a journey."